A few English people have either commented or made a joke about there being no weather in Australia. My response is: Que? Me no comprehendo. How can a country be weather-less? Isn’t that like saying that Australia has no air? The weather is a state of atmosphere and call me arrogant but I’m pretty confident that Oz has a state of atmosphere.
So maybe I’m being too literal. Perhaps what the English mean is we have consistent weather. My response again is, Que? There are some English who visit Australia expecting every day of the year in any place will be warm and sunny. They come in the middle of winter and get a nasty shock which results in statements such as ‘I’ve never been so cold in my life as I was in Sydney/Melbourne.’ As I mentioned here, Sydney has a higher rainfall than London. And yes, it is cold in winter.
Australia has thunderstorms, hail storms, dust storms, floods, snow and cyclones. We also have drought and bush fires (although perhaps the English don’t include hot, dry weather as weather, it being an unknown phenomenon).
But I’ve got a feeling that none of this really matters to them. The English talk about weather a lot – I’ve written some tips here for foreigners wanting to discuss weather. And I’m realising that the English are competitive about their weather. So when they say that there’s no weather in Australia, their inner monologue is saying, ‘we’ve got more weather than you so suck on that!’
How extraordinary.
To read more about Australia’s weather go here and to watch some videos on severe Australian weather go here.
Sorry Martin, but the English love the word – literally. They use it all the time. At the start of a sentence for no reason: ‘Literally, the tube was packed’. In the middle of a sentence, again for no reason: ‘The tube was literally packed’. Incorrectly as a metaphor: ‘The world is, literally, her oyster’.
Just as Australians might say ‘um’ or ‘er’, the English say ‘literally’. Although they use it with a vague understanding of the word. They use it to highlight a point, in place or words like really, absolutely, actually, genuinely and positively.
Here is an amusing blog that tracks the abuse of the word.
My favourite tube line is Victoria. That is all.
Good news, I just got my VISA extension. I applied on a FLR(M) application which is for unmarried partners of British citizens. I was previously in the UK on a two year working holiday visa (the old one which only let me work for one year). The crux of the partner visa is that you have to prove that you and your partner have lived together for the last two years. Evidence includes bank statements, tenancy agreements and government correspondence addressed to both partners (or individually to the same address). Unfortunately, photos of Christmas with the family are not accepted.
My mistake was not to include any paperwork for the exact month two years ago (so January 2008). I had older correspondence but they were very strict when it came to covering the two year period. I also had a photocopied lease agreement which was not allowed. My application was put on hold during my appointment. I was worried I would lose my application fee but luckily, they gave me two weeks to submit the missing documents.
My advice for anyone thinking about applying for the married, unmarried, same sex, defacto visa extension is to start holding on to key mail that you can use as evidence of your relationship asap.
Lots of people suggested we just get married now but this would not have changed anything as I would still have needed to show the required residential evidence over the last two years.
The premium application appointment (you pay extra to find out on the day if you are successful) takes around three to four hours. Take a good book.
The process includes:
1) Lining up at a bank teller type queue. This person looks through your entire application to make sure all the key bits are there.
2) You then pay the hefty fee at another queue.
3) You are then allocated a number and wait in a massive hall for your number to be called.
4) A straight-out-of-school home office clerk does stuff with your passport and a computer.
5) You wait in the hall again.
6) Your biometric data is recorded (finger prints and photo).
7) You wait in the hall again.
A seasoned home office clerk goes through your application with a fine tooth comb – asking you questions about your relationship, checking signatures for irregularities and making sure all your documents are originals and not photocopies. As described earlier, this is where my application fell down. The office provided me with an address sticker and a letter telling me exactly what I needed to do. I followed the instructions and voila – my passport and visa were returned to me via recorded mail a week and a half later. I’m still waiting for the Identity Card but have been assured that it will arrive soon.
I thought this information might be helpful for other people applying for the FLR(M) visa. Enjoy and happy application.
Newsflash – the English enjoy tea. You’re probably thinking, “you don’t say”. But for an outsider coming to England, there’s so much more to a cup of tea than meets the eye, or mouth. It breaks boundaries and transcends norms in a way you could never imagine. Okay, I’m exaggerating here, but there’s an element of truth to what I’m saying.
It all began with my first London office job. My British colleagues would put the air conditioning on to 16 degrees. Sixteen degrees is illegal in Australia so I had a bit of adjusting to do. My first strategy was to sit there, fingers numb and chant to myself ‘toughen the f*** up, it’s time to acclimatize woman’. But I became so paranoid that my teeth were chattering too loudly and I also began to grieve the loss of feeling in my fingers that I went to plan B. Plan B worked really well. It involved a snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug approach where I always left a warm shawl and jumper on my desk (even in Summer). Plan B also involved tea. Lots and lots of tea which I ended up making for myself every other hour. That is, until I realised I was making a faux paus. An English guy told me he got pulled aside at one of his jobs for not pulling his weight. Bad work ethic? No, he didn’t offer to do enough tea runs. And the silly freezing Aussie was so wrapped up in myself (literally) that I hadn’t been offering to make other people tea.
The tea run
This has nothing to do with your role in the company. It’s quite normal for your boss to ask if you want a cup. For a newcomer to this fine land, this can be a bit freaky. At my current job, for the first few weeks, I felt so disorientated about the whole thing that I would always decline, until my manager actually made a comment about the fact I don’t drink tea. It would appear that in England, people notice if you go a day without tea and probably wonder if you’re ill or depressed.
But all’s well that ends well and I now drink tea all day, and make tea all day and my colleagues make me tea all day and the workplace is happy and good.
*Note: the Australian Standard Code of Practice for factory and office work recommends the ideal temperature range of 21 – 24 degrees.
Sorry Martin but a few London commuters really get on my nerves. I know people joke about the killed or be killed attitude but some people are just plain rude. On several occasions, whilst waiting for a train or tube, I have seen people jump on board as soon as the doors have opened, pushing pass the people about to get out of the train. One time last week there was hardly anyone on the train yet this rude person felt the need to do it anyway. Why? What was there to gain? Did this guy have his own seat that he had to sit on? So of course I laughed at him way too loud, causing my colleague to give me a – what are you doing? stare. I just won’t stand for it. I don’t mind the occasional push and shove but this is ridiculous.
While I’m venting – a note to people who push in front of me at the oyster gates – don’t do it. People think, oh he has a bike and is going to be really slow. Actually – I have a bike to avoid been slow – fast is my middle name, my credo, fast is what I think about on the way to work. If I wanted to be slow I would walk, get the district line or (even worse) the bus.
People are not even nice about it. It seems completely acceptable to push in front of dismounted cyclists. So back off rude commuters or you might get a wheel up your arse.
A wombat
Wombats
Possibly the most underrated Australian animal. There are foreigners who know the koala and kangaroo but not the wombat. When asked to explain it all I can come up with is a hairy box.
RTA
To the surprise of most people, Aussies can live with some fairly strict rules. We’re not allowed fireworks, our voting is compulsory and now we’re censoring the internet. Learning to drive is no different. And it’s freaking expensive. We have to do so many tests to get a full license. I recently completed the Hazard test; a simulated touch screen and when I touched the screen it wouldn’t go or went in the wrong spot. Also it cost me $37 to do it. Why? All I’m doing is touching a computer screen for fifteen minutes, how would this cost someone $37? If you fail this (which is more than easy to do) then you can indulge in some retail therapy and get a rugby league number plate. If you pass you can dish out $75 (on top of the $37 it took to do the test) to get your green P plates. Whatever!
Sorry Martin but in London this is what a front door handle looks like:
We have lived in a flat in Shepherd’s Bush and Clapham and neither had front door handles. This means residents can close the door via two ways. The easiest is to stick your hand through the letterbox and use it as a handle to slam the door closed. Key word here is slam. This usually causes the entire house to register a ten on the Richter scale.*
The other option is to use your key. This is much quieter as you can unlock the lock before closing the door. I take great pleasure in following this process as not to wake up or annoy anyone.
I understand why people do slam the door. It is faster. It is also more satisfying – you have to go to work and it isn’t fair that everyone else gets to sleep in.
I’ve put up a little sign requesting people use their key to close the door to avoid slamming. Maybe it isn’t clear. Maybe no one else cares. Maybe I need to use a bigger font.
* According to Wikipedia a Richter magnitude of 10 has never been recorded by humans. Humans have obviously never been to London share houses.
Mozzies
Man, do these things have a bad case of favouritism. I mean you think they’d just be hungry and eat whatever came their way. But no, they are totally selective. If I’m with Pete, he’s the meal for that evening and if I’m with my sister then I’m the flavour of choice. And on top of all this, everyone’s reaction differs. It’s not like a shark where the outcome would be the same if it bit me or Pete. With mozzies some people have big itchy reactions and some have small bites that don’t itch. There are even a few lucky bastards who don’t react at all.
Rainstorms
Here’s a fun filled fact. On average, Sydney has a higher rainfall than London. There’s nothing quite like a Sydney rainstorm. But the two places share a similarity: you don’t really need an umbrella. My brother, his girlfriend and I got caught out in a huge storm last week. It was so heavy there was no point bothering with an umbrella because either way you were going to be drenched. And in London there’s no point bothering with an umbrella because the rain is so light that either way you won’t get drenched.
Public Transport
Or should I say, the lack of public transport. I mean, come on. It absolutely stinks! I know I have complained about the tube here and here but I’ve come to realise that having a painful public transport system is better than a non existent one. I used to boast to Londoners about how great it is that I could afford cabs in Sydney and spend the equivalent of 10 pounds to get home after a night of drinking, but the rest of the time it feels like money down the gurgler. No, it cant be! Don’t tell me I’m missing the tube. Weird!!!
Slip, Slop and Slap
What is up with the dancing penguin with the grating voice? Slip, slop is an ad campaign to make Australians take better care of themselves in the sun. In the past thirty years these ads have rarely changed. See the most current below (2009) and compare with the other links I’ve put underneath.
To see the 1980s version click here and for the 2001 version click here.
Apparently Martin you used to have big parties celebrating the FA Cup final every year. Although I’ve lived in England for over ten years I have only recently understood why the FA Cup has such great prestige, media interest and general player/fan passion.
The FA Cup features 762 teams all playing for the honor of being declared the best team in England. Because the sport is football – anything can happen. This weekend Manchester United lost 1-0 to Leeds (42 places below Man U in League 1) in a thrilling match. As money in today’s football is such a massive factor it is somewhat refreshing for a tournament like the FA Cup to close the gap between the best and worst clubs. Today’s win by Leeds proves to all the clubs that on any given day they can beat the ‘best’ teams in the country.
A summary of some of the biggest upsets in FA Cup history and an epic forum discussion between two people who obviously know a lot more about football than me.
