All over

We’ve had enough and have left England. It was fun. Thanks for the memories. More importantly thanks to everyone who commented on our posts. To those who weren’t so keen on our views – you have won and we have gone back home to Sydney. Look out though because we might come back for the Olympics.

Hummingbird Bakery

Sorry Martin but Hummingbird Bakery’s cupcakes are weirdly the best in the world. They are extremely tasty, popular and expensive cups of joy. Packaged in pink boxes and served to you by overly happy staff, Hummingbird’s cupcakes and cakes are fantastic. Unfortunately most of the stores are too small to sit and enjoy your sweets so takeaway is the best option. I’m not sure if they are trying to provide a truly American experience but avoid the coffee.

Stores are in South Kensington, Notting Hill and now Soho. Check them out here.

Fishing in tiny ponds

clapham fishing

Sorry Martin but what is with the English fishing in tiny ponds? We lived near Clapham Common and often see people fishing in very small ponds. Do they catch any fish? We’ve never seen any. Lambeth council permit fishing in this pond for some reason but Hounslow council ban it on Feltham Pond. Despite a big sign saying ‘No Fishing’ it doesn’t stop the Feltham chavs dropping a line and swinging back a few Fosters.

Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather people fish than loiter, sell drugs, graffiti or sit on the bus playing loud music from their mobile. It just seems a very strange hobby especially given the caught fish would probably be smaller than this blog post.

Daylight Hours

Sorry Martin but the daylight hours in England are simply fantastic. London’s sunrise on June 21 will be 4:42 a.m. and the sun will set at 9:20 p.m.

You can finish your work day and then, weather permitting, enjoy a light evening. Some offices (not mine!) offer ‘summer hours’ which means that everyone finishes work at 12pm on a Friday between May and September in order to benefit from the extra leisure or family time.

The flip side is that during winter it’s quote common to commute in darkness.

The Observer reported in March that both Labour and the Tories were considering including in their election manifestos a plan to move British clocks permanently forward by one hour. Britain would move between GMT+1 for winter and GMT+2 for summer. Sounds great to me. Wonder where this now sits with the Coalition Government? Probably not that high on the to-do list.

Gutted

Sorry Martin but the use of the word gutted is weird. I thought it was used to described a destroyed building but it can also be used to suggest extreme disappointment. When/if England gets knocked out of the World Cup in June, most English people will be ‘gutted’. If you just miss the train to work and miss morning tea you are ‘gutted’. If you miss out on the dream job or the last Scotch Egg you are ‘gutted’. When the volcano erupts and you miss your flight home or realise that Ant and Deck will probably be on TV forever, you are ‘gutted’.

Could you BEE more cliched?

As an Australian, you come to London and people say things such as: ‘oh you’re from the land of things that can seriously f*** you up.’ I always play up to this. ALWAYS! ‘I’ve been catching spiders since I was five,’ I’ll brag. Although that statement is true. It’s what you get for having a mum and two baby brothers who are arachnophobic pussies (sorry Tom and Jack – I know you’re big, muscled things now so please don’t hurt me). I also did my first dive in a shark tank when I was 20 which is also something you can impress Brits with. But the truth is, as a Sydneysider, I really don’t come in to contact with anything that could kill me. Unlike here, where in Summer I feel scared out of my mind about those bees. For people who haven’t come to UK, the bees here are like something out of a 1940s Japanese Horror film. They’re big and nasty and they make a beeline for you if you have anything remotely sweet. I’ve had one fly straight into my diet coke – yes, it was diet, the bees here don’t even mind sugar free – sweetner will do.

Now let’s have a think, how many people per year would be injured by a bee sting (due to allergies or otherwise) vs the amount of Aussies who have been injured by a shark, spider or snake? I’ve got no mathematical proof about any of this of course but I wouldn’t been surprised if they’re are more bee-related injuries than Aussie shark/spider ones. Those bees are relentless little buggers and they’ve got an advantage over our dangerous Australian wildlife – wings.

The Tube’s Thought of the Day

Sorry Martin but the tube’s ‘Thought of the Days’ is fantastically weird. For those who haven’t seen them, as you pass through the ticket (oyster) gates at some tube stations you will see a white board (as above) with a thought of the day. Quite often it’s a quote from a notable thinker. The photo above was taken at Oval station which has a bit of a ‘Thought of the day’ reputation.

In my ignorance and snobbery I always thought people who worked in public transport were…hmm..how do I say this without getting a thousand negative comments? On another tac, I didn’t think people who worked at tube stations would put notes like this on signs (that are usually reserved for service updates). I love that someone at Oval tube wants to express themselves via quotes of notable others. Getting the tube can be such a tiresome experience but coming across these glimpses of insight help you take a step back from your mindless obsession with getting a seat or getting to the right tube exit. They give London living some perspective. Hats off to the TFL.

Two Team Football Scarves

Sorry Martin but having two teams on the one scarf is weird. When I went to Craven Cottage to see Fulham take on Shakhtar I thought Fulham’s away colours had changed from red and black to flouro orange. To my dismay, I later discovered that the fluoro orange was actually a Shakhtar colour.

I realise football clubs are milking big games by selling these scarves but surely it’s a little desperate. Why would a supporter wear a scarf with opposition colours on it?

It’s here that some undercover reporter (in Australia they would be from A Current Affair, in England they would be from The Sun) looks through my closet and reveals that I proudly own a t-shirt from the 2005 AFL Grand Final where Sydney won the greatest game of Aussie Rules football ever played by four points. The shirt, however, is navy (a club neutral colour)  so when I wear it I don’t think I’m supporting West Coast.

Two team scarves have to go. Don’t buy them. Frame your ticket or buy a single club scarf instead.

Foggy Glasses

Weird things happen when you live in London. Exhibit A:

It’s been so cold lately that whenever I step indoors I fog up. It happens at the gym, on my morning train or when I go into Pret for my lunch time coffee. There I am with my foggy glasses, squirming around like a baby mouse.  My two options are: leave on the glasses and defog (I’ve found it can take up to five minutes though); or take off the glasses which results in even  more blindness and mouse-like behaviour.

Not only do I feel disorientated when this happens but I also look like a freak. And not in a sexy X-men kind of way but in a creepy-guy-from-Sin-City way. You know, the one that was a hobbit but then took on an acting role as a cannibal. I wonder what strangers think when they see me fogged up like that? Do they also suffer from images of me eating off their forearms? I guess only if they have a warped imagination like mine. (Dislaimer: I recently watched The Road so my imagination is even more Stephen-King like than normal – lookout!)

What is the cure for foggy glasses? Not to wear them I guess. I think it’s time to update my contact lenses prescription.  And I probably should stop watching scary movies too.

England’s Best Chocolate Bar

With the recent sale of iconic British brand Cadbury to Kraft, I thought I would take stock and consider my favourite UK chocolate bar. Although it’s a very tough decision, my all time top chocolate bar (that isn’t available in Australia) is the Double Decker.

I am a massive Terry’s Orange fan but when it comes to overall chocolatey good times – the Double Decker wins.

First introduced in 1976 its name derives from the double-decker bus. Double Deckers are lightly flavoured with coffee and structured in two layers; an upper whipped nougat layer, with a lower layer of cereal ‘crispies’, these are then coated in milk chocolate.

My boss has a massive box full of them. He chucks them at staff in a similar way to the adrenalin junkies in the Pepsi Max commercials.

Check out The Chocolate Review for more details on Brit Choc.