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Lethal Childrens’ Scooters

August 6, 2009

The current kiddie craze involves legions of little ones zipping through the British streets on two wheels.  Gone are the days of bikes, roller skates and roller blades, pogo sticks or skateboards. It’s ALL about the scooter – big time!

The other day I saw a two-year-old doing wheelies in a fountain outside my work. The boy looked like he was fresh out of nappies but you should have seen how he manoeuvred this thing. He was pulling up tight around the corners, splashing all the passersbys and then trailing off with a few bunny hops and ollies for good measure. Then in Brighton, the chiddlers weren’t swimming or building sandcastles, they were glued to their scooters. Apparently it’s also really cool for a bunch of ankle-biters to pile them up on top of each other (maybe the pommie version of building  a sandcastle). Pete and I had been sitting at a beachfront bar when I saw one tiny girl yank out her pink vehicle which happened to be caught under a stranger’s chair. This resulted in the man (who was happily sipping his beverage) spilling lager down his front.

It can be hazardous.  These instruments of destruction can be found at the beach, park, residential areas  and the pesky contraptions are definitely not too cool for school. Schools and nurseries are running scooter obstacle courses in the ‘scooter fun days’ or ‘punctuality projects’ (handing them out to pupils for turning up on time), and ‘scoot or cycle to school clauses’ ( a clause within a nursery contract states that children are required to scooter or cycle to school). Wtf?

But it’s not all fun and games. A few stern-faced London folk are becoming irate with this trend. As you’ll see by this article,  the scooter is deadly and dangerous and stacks of us could die (well, be badly injured) each year due to them – oh dear! Besides the fact that these kids could be murdering us all with their transport devices, they are also little law-breakers. You see, the 1835 Highways Act, means that riding on the pavement is illegal. So next time you see a five-year-old with their dad (and probably a dog) walking through Clapham Common you are more than entitled to call Mr Plod and get the little punk arrested. Then you can smirk to yourself, ‘take that brat’ and feel tough – woo!

To be fair, if we can look beyond the fact that we might die or loose a limb from this craze,  these kids are impressive. They look talented on the things and unlike the rest of us slobs, they are nuts about outdoor activity and promoting fitness. So say goodbye to the childhood obesity epidemic. My conclusion – this pommie kiddie trend is weird but good. So, go ride you little brats and be free and enjoy the wind beneath your wings.

For information on how to do ollies on your scooter go here.


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